Now where do I begin, there are a thousand thoughts in my head…and there is a lot that I wish to write, my thoughts are scattered but ain’t that the story of my life in short? This constant state of dilemma ? Not in a bad way but in a slightly confused way…to feel like a superhero and a clueless kid at the same time? There is this immense adrenaline rush and also an equally strong feeling to not get out of bed…snuggle under the blanket and sleep on…Sigh ! this never-ending tug of war…so what am I? Yup, you got it right…I’m a mum and above all a proud woman who believes there is nothing cooler than being a woman.
Feminist much? Nah! I don’t think so…but I’ve always felt it’s pretty cool being a woman…probably cause I was raised in a family which does not think a woman to be any lesser than a man or vice versa but more over ’cause of the never say die attitude women possess in general. Life is a challenge every single day and we manage to overcome it through our sheer grit and enthusiasm. However…my admiration for my kind went a few notches over and above the usual norm the minute I discovered I was pregnant. Of course, I knew women have been delivering and raising babies for time immemorial but to be actually doing it was a different ball game altogether. I mean, come on…there was life inside me…It actually does take time to sink in and from then on it’s like you are wired to be the most selfless person on this earth. Every single thing you do…you are like…is this going to be ok for my baby? Will this harm my kid in any way?
Being pregnant for the first time is also a time when you sort of make your own mother feel like you are a toddler again…bombarding them with all kinds of weird and creepy questions…for which their answers turn out to be pretty vague…I feel it’s their tactic to not freak you out…much like the “what you don’t know, won’t harm you” strategy. But then we have google…who has answers to all questions big and small, serious and silly. And your first pregnancy I guess is also the last time you’ll truly be treated like a princess. People are glad to be at your beck and call while you waddle along like a penguin. All whims and fancies answered.It’s like a nesting phase…being back home with your parents and being spoilt by your husband. I’ve never been used to sitting idle without doing anything productive that it did end up feeling like a very long stretch of time and I just wanted to be with my baby ( probably because I was too eager to meet her, my baby decided to tease me and overstay in my tummy…she made her debut three days after my actual due date ! talk about being fashionably late !! ) Apart from two months of severe nausea and literally throwing up everything I had eaten the whole day by evening during the 1st trimester, I’m thankful to God that I was blessed with a very smooth pregnancy. At that point, I used to constantly feel like I had eaten too much ( when I had barely eaten ) and somehow wanted to get rid of it all. Moving from the couch to the washroom used to feel like I’m running a marathon when it was barely 20 steps away. Though the vomiting was awful and extremely energy consuming, it was also somehow relieving. I used to come out of the washroom all smiles to see my entire family look like they were all going to cry see my struggle. It was also a rather funny phase where I used to raid the fridge at night to deal with hunger pangs…like I had been starving for ages. If I think about it the most tiring part of my pregnancy was the first trimester…I was upbeat and full of energy by the 16th week ( 2nd trimester ).Pregnancy is also the only time when an expectant mother counts everything in “weeks” and thinks it’s absolutely normal though people around us are pretty clueless, wondering if we have gone nuts, mentally calculating…trying to figure out how far we have come in our pregnancy in “months”.
This might sound clichéd but I’ve always wanted to be a mum and motherhood was something I knew I would enjoy and looked forward to…but trust me when I say this…I had absolutely no clue this is how it would all be…there is a whole new meaning to your existence….sometimes you feel so lost…like you really can’t fathom you had a different life where you were just responsible for your life and not a tiny human being who is a 100 % dependent on you for every little thing. It’s such an emotional rollercoaster…from the time you discover you are pregnant to the actual delivery…from the countdown to the first ultrasound to the baby’s first kick, it’s all just so overwhelming, the ways in which your body changes to accommodate and nourish a new life inside you, your baby being born and you discovering the world once again through their eyes…it’s nothing short of a miracle.
I have nine months worth of nitty-gritty pregnancy stories and can conjure up all my labour and delivery details which I possibly shan’t and can’t bore you with…I do feel it’s my personal superhero tale but then every mother has their own unique story and journey which is very special. Not a day has gone by when I’ve not been in awe of what my body and soul could do and still do…In no way am I airbrushing or romanticizing the whole scenario, it is both physically and emotionally taxing and challenging which is all the more reason why I wish to celebrate motherhood. Although we look like a total mess with unkempt hair, sometimes have to give our careers a break like me or go to work couple of months later, most often have food stains on their t-shirt and is someone who has mastered the art of doing everything with one hand while we hold our child in the other. I feel we all possess some magic and an immense capacity to love unconditionally. Kudos to all you mothers out there…Keep up the mojo ladies 🙂